Worry, Obsession, and Yoga Nidra

How to transform unproductive emotions to

“So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matthew 6:34)

I used to think that it was easy for a homeless, itinerant preacher who depended on the graciousness of others to say this. But the truth of his words run deeper year by year.

I wished my father would understand this concept when I was growing up, but he was a consummate worrier. Our family had many anxieties, especially around money. Being in an immigrant home, moving from state to state to find work, trying to make ends meet, was very stressful to say the least. Recently, I was talking to a high school friend, who is now a successful dentist, about both of our experiences growing up as a first generation American and how having a $5 pair of sneakers from K-mart was a big deal. Both of us inherited the “worry gene” from our fathers. We talked about how our fathers did not know much about money and that we inherited a sense of scarcity from them. There was always a lack of resources and constant anxiety. My father’s fixation turned into insomnia and this turned into sleeping pills. This might have been the cause of his epilepsy and early onset dementia, but we’re not certain. All I know is that I needed to do something about it if I was to break the generational curse of mental health getting the best of the people in my family. On my father’s side of the family were many mental health problems. On my mother’s side of the family were many successful, well-educated people. This was what I had to contend with since both dwell within me.

The other day, Paula and I were talking about finances since the thunderstorm/hurricane Beryl and delays in business because of a lack of electricity. We were beginning to worry about how to pay for a new fence and additional insurance coverage for Paula’s health. But what we came to conclude that instead of worrying about these things we would turn that to an obsession with knowledge, growth, and learning about how to work through these obstacles to better our mental health and finances.

I just want to begin, by saying that all emotions are totally acceptable and natural. How we respond to them is what is important. This is a teaching that goes back to the practices of the desert mothers and fathers, and found in the writings of Philokalia (The Love of Beauty), the tome of writings from the Eastern mystical tradition (notice I did not put a link to it because it is a tough read that not all people can get into). To summarize, they talk about the emotions as passions since they affect us in a way that we are passive about them. We don’t have anything to do with the origin of emotions except receive them. I don’t just get angry; it arises from my experiences. However, what is important is our response to these passions and how we can transform them into something that provides peace and well-being.

For many couples, money talk is a big deal, to the extent that they don’t even discuss it because its such an obstacle. Where do we start? We’ve had to do much work in the last few months to make sure we know what is going on with our expenses and that if anything happens to either of us we are in a good place to deal with our financial situation. It is important to note that among the middle and lower economic class it seems like it is taboo to talk about money (especially in my culture), but in upper economic classes, money is spoken about openly. Millionaires don’t mind talking to their friends about their money and how its doing. However, in the New Testament, Jesus talks about money more often than he talked about sex (and I don’t think he even cared about sex as much as some think). Eleven out of forty parables were about money. This is because how we manage and envision these resources was how we envisioned the Kin(g)dom of God. Even though we are not %100 there, Paula and I have worked each day to get to where we want regarding money. Here are what individuals and couples should be talking about:

1.    Retirement funds - if they have enough to cover the future
401ks
Roth IRAs
Other investments

2.     Multiple accounts
savings
emergency
vacation

3.      Insurance plans and if the policies are enough
Life
Accidental
House (Flood, if you are in Houston)
Car

4.      Income, spending, and saving
Vacation time
Savings
Ways to work smarter and not harder
Passive income
Avoiding trading time for money

5.      Wills, living-wills, and DNRs - Discuss health and what to do in the future. All this is hard to talk about and I grew up in a family that never wants to speak about the hard things now.

I know that even discussing these subjects are luxuries and privileges for people, but if we don’t have education around them, we don’t have a way to do anything about them. I wished that I learned this from my family of origin and not until much later in life. But this is how people who do not have privileges to learn to overcome these obstacles. One book that has been helpful is Smart Couples Finish Rich: 9 Steps to Creating a Rich Future for You and Your Partner by David Bach. Don’t be deceived by the title because “rich” is relative. The author is helping couples have some financial stability for the future because “wealthy” and “rich” mean different things to different people. However, if we don’t talk about them then we don’t know how the terms are used.

When there is anxiety, people then often turn to unhealthy behaviors such as unhealthy food relationships, alcohol abuse, spending, and so many other ways dull the pain. But they will eventually chip away and exacerbate the problem. For me, the anxiety turns into bodily manifestations such as teeth grinding at night and anger issues. It did a number on both mental and physical health. There can be avoidance and denial. My blood pressure went up and I was not sleeping well. Recently, I finished writing a chapter about meditation and yoga nidra for my book project. There have been scientific findings about how both works on mild cases of anxiety and depression. Spending 5-20 minutes on both, in the morning and at night has helped us to center and move the anxiety into productive energy. I’ve learned I could turn the anxiety into good obsession over doing what is good for me, and therefore good for others around me.

We’ve shifted to working on our financial success instead of worrying about them. We shifted to working on our physical health by booking our workout sessions and going to the gym instead of only thinking about physical health problems. We shifted to talking about the difficult decisions and spending lots of time doing this work together as a couple instead of constantly arguing about them and wanting to make each other change. It’s a lot of work, but it’s been better for us. When worry comes, we accept it and attempt to transform it. We know that there is an infinite source of goodness that seeks only for our wellbeing, health, and sense of fulfillment. We are grateful that when we can shift from anxiety to a good obsession. 

Don’t worry about today or tomorrow or the next day

Be obsessed with loving others and those around you

Don’t worry about finances

Be obsessed with planning about the future and talking to love ones about it

Don’t worry about future storms, hurricanes, and natural disasters

Be obsessed about how to get what you need now so that you can help yourself and others in time of need

Don’t worry about the outcome of any situation

Be obsessed with justice, kindness, and humility

There are many ways to channel anxious and unproductive energy into something meaningful and fulfilling.

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