Plenty of Time
How our perception of time both preserves us and hurts us
I text her:
It seemed like only yesterday you were eating a kid’s meal at Cedar Creek, graduating High School, and getting an EMT license, and now you’re a hospice RN helping me out with my father.
This is our perception of time. We think we have an infinite amount of it and yet it speeds by so quickly. I was on a call with a writing group and said it was July already and we only have five months left to the end of the year. Our most precious commodity, time, seems like it is something that so many of us take for granted and do not know how to make the best use of. I’m wanting to answer the question of how we can get the most out of our time, but find myself constantly sidetracked.
First, I often remind people of this simple fact: time > money. We hear it said that time is money. Well, I’m saying that time is much more valuable than money, because no matter how rich someone is, they can never purchase their time back. However, with money one can free up one’s time. One can pay people to do the things that take up the most time and provide little return on time investment.
For example, I enjoy cooking, especially teaching people how to cook, but there are some things that I will tolerate cooking at home and some things not worth my time. I don’t bake much and find it easier to purchase pastries and cakes. Some people love baking and would make their own breads and cakes. For me that would be frustrating. So, it’s important to weigh the enjoyment with the practicality of our use of time. However, I cook about 90 percent of our meals and we eat out probably twice during the weekends to give myself a break. Paying people to do tasks that take up time when you can do other things to make more money is a smart move.
But having money is not always the solution. The other thing that takes up much time is the ownership of things that take up time. Minimizing what we have helps us direct our energies elsewhere. There is a cognitive load to owning things. As soon as something comes to us by mail or we have to purchase something, there is time and energy devoted to it. Additionally, there is also the maintenance and upkeep of said things.
Going back to why most of us take time for granted, one can say that our perception of time changes as we age. When we are younger time goes by at a slower rate because we are starting to experience new things, time seems infinite. Things take forever. “Are we there yet?” is a mantra of the child in the back of the car. But as we age, 10 years, 20 years are just slivers of our lives. Time seems to go by faster, but this does not signal the scarcity of time. Most of us seem to use it in the same way. Many of us don’t accomplish what we set out to achieve, or we wait for things to happen before we do things. I used to say to myself a lot that I can wait until such and such happens before I do this, then that never happens and I don’t do it.
There is another theory about why we do not see time as a precious resource: it is called the Terror Management Theory. Here, the claim is that this lack of perceptual scarcity is an evolutionary trait. Because humans became aware of dangerous threats we have to manage an existential fear or else we will not preserve the species. In other words, if my world is extremely dangerous, the temptation is to just hide out in my cave until the fear passes, but this would be counterproductive in advancing the species. So, my mind has to say, “It’s ok that you go out there. Your life is not in any immediate danger right now. You can mate, procreate, and protect the tribe.” But it is this management system that creates ways of existence, in culture, religion, art, and even war, that says we can last forever. It is this sense of forever that eventually does us harm.
Like most coping mechanisms, what was meant for good eventually does more harm in the long run. This leads to procrastination and a lack of time management. We will say, “yes,” to everything and everyone. Then all tasks deserve the exact amount of time or there is no time for what is important. This is what I hear from executives with unfinished manuscripts: “I can’t find time to finish my book.”
Much of the problem is about not having enough time, but making time for something. We will give time to whatever we deem valuable in our lives. If we see golf as worthy of our time, we’ll be at the range for the 6 AM tee time. If we see watching college football as valuable, we’ll make the drive to a college town, purchase seats, attend games, and throw parties. So, time is not the real issue for many people, it is priority, and priority goes to what people value most in their lives.
This is why our goals must match our deepest values. If not, then we will have much resistance in achieving these goals or find them empty when we do reach them. After an undergraduate degree, and three graduate degrees, I know what this feels like. So often I asked myself “What did I actually achieve? What did I do?” This then generalizes to other parts of my life like work and even hobbies. I wonder if things are worthy of my time and know that if I am not aware of this, I may pull away from them not knowing. It feels like sabotage but it is not; it’s only the fear again of the crisis of mortality. I only have a limited number of seconds left in this world. How do I cash in wisely?
Perhaps the best way to honor our time is being present, being in the moment. Being, not doing. Or better yet, collapsing doing and being in one. When I am doing yoga, I have to be. That being is a part of my doing. There is a being when we are making our coffee or preparing a meal or simply eating it without distraction. It is being with intention, often expressed in the Japanese term ikigai or meaning of life. When doing and being merge in this way, my time is savored and stretched, made taut. It is purposeful, kairos time, not simply chronos, clocked time, as the ancient Greeks would say.
This is of course easier said than done. It is about feeling one’s breath without needing to count it. It is about holding this moment as special. And then the next moment. And then all moments. Because by the time you know it, an hour, a day, and a month will pass without us knowing it.
On July 20, 2026, at 1:39 AM, my father passed away. His life was long at the age of 91, but he had many regrets in his life. He wanted to continue to work because he made so little money comparatively and left nothing to my mother except their old house. However, what he never regretted were the moments he had with friends and family. This time was infinitely valuable to him, especially toward the end of his life. He was surrounded by his family when this happened.
The moments we make are some of the most important. Whether it is sharing a meal, or listening to someone’s pain, or lending a hand. The time that matters is the one that moves our sense of being back to what we value the most. Without that, we can have all the time in the world and not have fulfilling lives. More than ever, I realize this truth.
Prayers are with you and your family in your grief and loss
Thanks for your heart and words of wisdom about life, values and time. Deep condolences about the death of your father, all the best as your grief his loss and celebrate his life. I lost my father 3 years ago in his late 80's. A very profound experience.